What was I thinking?

Ok, so this evening, Beach Beauty and I had a discussion that was like none other, and it really got me to thinking. Over the past 11 and a half years, we have had conversations of this nature before, but not quite like tonight. To be honest I was a little disturbed, but not do to the topic, but more because of reality.

So, should I get to the point?

Well OK!

Every couple has this kind of conversation at some point. It is the, what will you do when I die conversation. Now, before you start making comments regarding our morbid nature, and saying things like, "hey, your young, you don't have to worry about that" remember that we are all human, and humans do in fact die.

Anyway...

We started having this conversation by what some people would call chance. It just kind of started, and before we knew it we were an hour into a topic that neither of us was really wanted to talk about, but we couldn't stop. During the conversation we talked about everything from burial arrangements, life insurance, to re-marry or not to re-marry, what we would do in the event of an untimely death, and many more things. In all truthfulness, it was rather nice. It was a truely intimate moment.

So, everyone knows that there is a but coming, so let's just through it out there.

BUT!!!!

It also got me to thinking pretty hard. I'm not scared of death, I'm not concerned with the wellfare of my children if I were to die young. I have somewhat of sketchy plan of attack if something were to happen to my Beach Beauty if she were to go at a young age. But what I was really thinking about was this. Have I been the best husband to my beautiful wife that I could have been, if I were to die today? Have I been the man that she needed me to be? Have I prepared her for a life without me? Have I taught my children the important things of life?

You see, I know that my Beach Beauty knows that I love her. At least I know I have verbally told her so. She seems to know my heart better than I do sometimes. But have I really been the best husband? Have I been the best example of Christ for her that I can be? If I answer these questions honestly the answer would be no. Not just because none of us measure up completely with the standard that the Lord has given us. But because I have been completely worried about myself more that I have been concerned with her or the kids.

I know, I know... some of you are saying "don't beat yourself up, we all have our moments of being selfish in relationships" and yes I know this is true, however God has given me a job. What is my job? It is to raise my family in love and fear of the Lord. I am to be the example of Christ to my wife and children. I am to teach my family how to worship. I am to be in constant prayer for my family, raising them up before the Lord as a priest. I am to protect them, not only from physical danger, but also from spiritual danger. I am to profess the Word of God to my family as a prophet.

And so, tonight I found myself in a moment of self evaluation. The evaluation was not pretty, because you see, when you rate yourself against God's standard you realize just how much you lack. So much in fact that there is not excuse. And to think, I thought I was doing pretty good when I rated myself against other people.

So before I close this post, I would like to turn what seems to be rather dismall and turn it into a challenge for the good of each of us. Fathers, each day set out to place the Word of God in a place of prominence. Reflect on Deuteronomy Chapter 6, and realize this: "The Lord our God; The Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might." That is the first step. Let us live a life that is evidence of our love for God. So much that when people are talking about us at our funerals they can say in all honesty, "That man loved God with all of himself". But let's not forget the rest of this passage. As men, we are to be treauring the Word of God in our hearts and teaching it to our families, speaking of the word day and night, as we come and go, and even keeping it right before our eyes that we will not stray from it.

This is a daunting task. It will be difficult, because it is not the way of the world. However, as a husband, this is my job.

Do I love my wife? yes, of course I do! Do I love God with all my heart? I haven't yet. Will the love for my precious Beach Beauty and three sandy kids change if my love for God changes? You better believe it!

I want to be the best husband and father that I can be, and in order to do that, I have to be the best child of God that I can be first!

Will I die at a young age? I dunno. Will my kids always have both of their parents? We will have to wait and see. Will they know that their daddy loved the Lord? I pray that they will see that in me and follow Him in a better manner than I have.

So, let's leave the past behind. There is nothing we can change about the past, it is over, done with, and we can't fix it. What we can do however is affect the future. Men join with me and from this day forward be the man that God has designed us to be. Ladies, seek to be the reflection of God to your children, and a help meet to your husbands.

I know this has not been a really funny or light post, however, I pray that it has been a challenge.

Let me leave you with this: Press on toward the prize!! The race is not easy, it is long and treacherous, but the prize is well worth the sacrifice. The prize is eternity with God himself!

Until next time,
Clear skies, high surf and sandy feet!!!